i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
