You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
