it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
