OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
