please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
