so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
