I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize