SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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