So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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