How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
