Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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