I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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