I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
