youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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