I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
