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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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