No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish i was in the wii world.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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