some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
