My brain says no but my pants say off.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
