my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
