i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
