I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
