went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
