you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
