He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
