Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
