I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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