So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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