i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
