How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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