no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
