How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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