Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she peed on how many people?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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