3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
