my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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