It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
