the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
