sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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