and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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