This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
