WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
