I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize