i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
