My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
