what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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