I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
