I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
