I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
