walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
