Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
