I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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