it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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