Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize