I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize