He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
