I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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