after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
