I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
