watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
