We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That accounts for only three of the penises
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
