i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
