My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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