I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
