you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
