that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
