I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
