We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
