she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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