The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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