just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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