tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize