Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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