I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
