I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
