Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
