i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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