okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
