i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
