My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
