I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
